When a town cries...

My apologies for taking so much time between posts, things have been rather hectic lately. Mom is finally off restrictions for her hip replacement and so I am back to work full time. I missed a lot while I was gone...new charting systems, different clients, new coworkers and the like. Outside of work I have returned to my NSO duties for my league, taking photos of friends and family, various leagues and finding great mentors to teach me more about the fine details of photography. Much thanks to Jenny and Danny who have spent a great deal of time educating me over the last few months. Then I got some plague that quickly went from a head cold to sinus infection to bronchitis...so needless to say, I've been busy. With that being said I should make sure to mention the reason for this post, the actual reason for my hesitation on putting my thoughts to screen.

On October 24, 2014 around 10:45am my little town changed forever when a young troubled soul at one of our local high schools shot and (eventually) killed 4 of his friends and then himself. I remember this day vividly, as I had just left Marysville heading South for a doctor appointment in Shoreline. The normal humdrum drive slowly changed as I began noticing police car after police car racing North...one and then two, they just kept racing by. I lost track after 12 and I remember thinking that something horrible must have happened somewhere behind me...I quietly prayed that it was no one I knew and thanked God that it wasn't me. After my appointment I headed back home, stopped at a store and noticed about 3 helicopters circling over MPHS about half a mile from me. My heart sank because it was then that I realized whatever was going on currently, was what I had noticed taking place earlier in the morning.

I raced home...just a few short miles away from all the action, walked in the door, I put the groceries on the counter and turned the television on. And there it was...the reason for the police and the helicopters. There was a shooting. My keys dropped to the floor and I watched as this horrible incident played out before my eyes. Details were still sketchy, but for the time being the only person dead was the shooter. Four others were in critical condition at various hospitals...my head raced with confusion...how could this happen in my little town? Where was security? Why did this young man do this? I remember saying out loud to myself "oh God the families."

I watched the television for a few hours as updates from law enforcement, the FBI and various other officials trickled in. The shooter identified...his victims not bullies like most school shootings. Instead they were his close friends and even a few family members. This didn't feel like the "regular shootings"...I couldn't believe I even made reference in my head to "regular shootings," what has happened to this world?! As the days passed by, more details came out and it became clear that this just didn't seem to fit in with other horrible events like this. This shooting didn't come as a result of bullying or abuse...it was the result of rejection. Those he killed, he wanted with him in the next life. The town and country for that matter just didn't know how to process this...society always looks for the 'evil doer.' Except this time, there was a young man who felt that he lost the love of his life, didn't think he could turn to anyone for help (among other reasons I'm sure) and decided to end his life. But couldn't face being alone and therefor ended the lives of his best friends.

No there is no excuse. But how does a town heal when there is no real "enemy" to blame this on? They were all victims...even the shooter.

Times have really changed in our society. Things that were once "givens" are up for debate or missing altogether. Parents have lost control, kids have seized power, guns and weapons are everywhere so long as you can pay the price. Media tell us who and what to believe and we are all screaming for help with the problems we have created. Sigh.

In middle school I was often beat up by school bullies and endlessly tormented because of my weight. In high school the torment continued, I was stabbed and shoved in school lockers. As a senior I was molested by my drama teacher. And all through this it never occurred to me that I could simply bring a gun to school and kill those who were making my life hell. It never occurred to me that what was happening wasn't supposed to. Looking back on it all, it has made me who I am...but when living it, it was awful and I did try to end a life. Mine.

The only constant in this cycle...I could never have taken anyones life. Not even my drama teachers. The tears I shed through middle and high school could fill a swimming pool but never did I think of ending anyones lives. Again...just mine. It is unfortunate that as teenagers emotions are full and vivid but the brain doesn't have the capacity to make sense of it all. Something needs to change...and I'm not talking about gun laws or metal detectors. We need to teach love, patience, acceptance and teach the youth that they are of great worth and not only say to them these things but actually be there for them. Teach them by example.

We need to be better human beings.

For my little town that has lost its innocence...I pray you find peace.