WARNING...speaking my mind is hazardous to my health.

I've wanted to share some thoughts that have been rolling around in my head for the last few months, scared to death that people will judge me and unfriend me because I've offended them with my opinion. And for a while I was mostly at peace with keeping my feelings to myself and being satisfied that things happened the way they were supposed to. But after my experience at last Saturdays bout, my feelings are not as easily pushed aside as they once were. I will preface the words that will follow with a request...that those who know me, that those who are getting to know me and those who I have newly befriended me...that you will please hear my words with an open and accepting heart and understand that how I feel is true to me and may not be the experience you have had. I ask for reserved judgement and for people to ask questions and not just simply vacate my life. While social media has given us all a great advantage in having friends from all over the world, it is just as hurtful when those you think are your friends only to have them up and vanish from your life...whether in real time or over the Internet, the pain is no less real.

The friend that wasn't...when I started making friends on facebook that were in the derby world, specifically Rat City, one such person came forwarded and openly offered to teach me how to skate which I thought was awesome...I finally had acceptance in the world and my size didn't matter. The first bout came and went, we still had not met each other but we had a couple times a week communication about skating and bouts thru facebook. She told me several times that she wasn't going to change her mind about teaching me to skate and that in a few weeks she would have time to skate with me. Second bout came and went, we didn't get a chance to meet up then either, but still kept in contact on facebook. Then suddenly the posts and emails stopped and I posted on her page that I missed her, even though I hadn't met her. So imagine my surprise when I go to her profile a few days after that and find that she unfriended me. I was totally shocked because I didn't know what I had done. I emailed her to apologize for anything I did to offend her and if she would please let me know why...I never heard anything from her. Since I had her phone number from before she unfriended me, I called and left a voice mail apologizing and asking what I did wrong? I also stated that I would not call again and I would delete her number from my phone. I still have no idea what I did.

Shortly after she unfriended me, several other Rat City players did the same. Each without a word or reason why...and it's not say that they owe me a reason, it just feels like common decency to tell a person why they suddenly don't like you when they leave in mass. I tried to get over it and not pay that much attention to how it made me feel and I think I did a pretty good job or so I thought. While at WWS I made sure to give the Rat City players a wide birth so I didn't bother them or create any issues as they were there to compete so I spent more time meeting really great players from other leagues. I didn't sit with the Rat City crowd but cheered my lungs out every chance I got for the team I loved.

Then the other day I got an email from Rat City stating that they would no longer consider me to do any volunteer work as I had over stepped the fan boundaries and become to personal with a player. Naturally I was totally shocked at this as I have gone out of my to stay out of their way both at home bouts and away ones. I don't ask for autographs or take tons of photos, I don't follow them around or even go to the after parties where they are (save it be the one in Bremerton) and so my only logical conclusion was that this had to do with the player who was going to teach me to skate. I replied to the email asking what it was I had done...and I have heard nothing back. I realize it is the leagues job to protect its players and if I were one, I would want them to protect me as well. I just want to know what I did and to who...I'm not big on being okay when my character is being assassinated. So it was okay for me to spend my money and go to the bouts and cheer on the teams but not volunteer. Okay, I got it. Fine.

Well, no it's not fine. I was asked not once but twice...well, not really asked...I was directed to not take photos with the lens that I had on my camera despite being able to use the lens the last two bouts with no one having any concerns. Then I was "talked to" again by other staff that didn't want me even using my camera at all. I recited the rules, that I can use it as long as I am using it as a point and shoot, and they relented and let me use my camera. But when twice I am told "a member of Rat City requests that you not use that lens" in one bout where I have been able to use my camera and lens the previous two bouts...I can't help but feel, well...targeted. This particular roller girl that I have already been discussing...that the email from Rat City made me feel like I was a stalker (and mind you I've had stalkers and I'm as far away from one as you can get) I want it to be known that I took 3 pictures of her in the second bout. That's it. Just three.

It is unfortunate that the "take" of one person clouds so many others to the point that it involves a league to punish me for something I don't even know I did. It is also unfortunate because I could have been the best fan Rat City ever had...I traveled to cheer them on, I bought merchandise to support them and lost my voice for over a week screaming words of encouragement to help them play better. I pimped them to anyone and everyone that gave me half a chance to speak. And while I do realize that when I speak of Rat City, I do not speak of every single player...I am not trying to generalize that this one person is indicative of every player in Rat City. Because I know, there are really great women who play in that league. But my support for Rat City has come to an end...for the time being at any rate. I took off the license plate holder from my car, I have packed away all the clothes and other merchandise that bears the Rat City logo and I took the sticker off my helmet. I am no longer cheering for Rat City as a league, rather I will continue to cheer for the players that I love and support. And I vow to learn how to skate, I vow to learn how to play derby, and I vow to become a force to be reckoned with...only to skate against Rat City.

Had those who dislike me, talk trash, or treat me poorly actually gotten to know me, they would have realized what a sweet and loyal person I am. I am genuine, kind, gentle, supportive and dammit, I'm a really good person. And I don't like how I feel when I think of Rat City...my once beloved Rat City. Perhaps with time my feelings will change, but for now I will no longer represent RCRG. I will however cheer to my lungs are sore for Grave Danger and the Socket Wenches and my other favorite players.

So with all this being said, I wonder how many people will unfriend me? How many people who communicate with me regularly will suddenly stop? Will those who have been supporting me, suddenly back away? Please understand that I don't hate RCRG...my feelings are just hurt and I will eventually get over it. But it provides me good motivation to become the best, so I can skate against the best.

Playing for 2011 standings...

I decided to sit in a different section for the 3rd roller derby bout in Seattle and ended up sitting next to a guy who is turning out to be a friend. I have been wanting to get into NSOing which stands for Non Skating Official, and he happens to be very involved in that and is going to (hopefully) put me to use in a double header bout this weekend between the Taco Kickers and the Walla Walla Sweets. I am very excited to delve deeper into the roller derby world as more than just a fan and learning how to skate. Being an NSO gives me greater opportunities to be part of more leagues and meet a lot more people in derby. This is very important for me so I hope it pans out.

So back to last weekends bouts...Grave Danger beat the crap out of the Derby Liberation Front, which made me very happy since most of the "friends" that I have are on Dangers team. I am proud to be a fan belonging to the league of the undead.

Carmen Getsome of Grave Danger as lead jammer.
Re-AnimateHer of Grave Danger as lead jammer.
Carmen Getsome on the jammer line getting ready for the whistle.
Re-AnimateHer rounding turn 2 after the jam was called off.

Re-AnimateHer and some of her team mates warming up pre bout.

The other teams that played were the Throttle Rockets taking on the Socket Wenches, it stayed close thru halftime but fell apart for the Socket Wenches due to so many penalties. It is amazingly difficult to score points when your jammer is stuck in the box. They also were missing one of their best players, Anya Heels who is out for the season with a torn ACL. She did however sing the National Anthem and I must say, she has an amazing voice. I know I mention her a lot and I have no issue with it...I am in awe of her athleticism and how gracious she is as a person outside of the track.

Anya Heels prior to singing the National Anthem.

I have much more to say about Saturday night, but am worried about how many people will be offended at my words. I am not yet ready to speak my mind and lose people in my life. So at some point, I will be able to stand by my words without fear of losing people as a result. Lets just say that it is not fair or just when people who don't know me, assassinate my character because one person over reacted to something I don't even know I did.

Wild West Showdown, show did.

I spent a weekend in Bremerton recently at the 2nd annual Wild West Showdown where roller derby teams from all over the nation come to compete against each other as well as mix and match members of teams into different teams for what they called Challenge bouts. Three days of derby. I was in heaven. It was a short drive to Seattle to catch the Walla Walla ferry over to Bremerton and the ferry ride was wonderfully empty. Pretty much everyone that was on board belonged to one derby team or another. I enjoyed a nice salad on the way over, we had clear skies and calm water which I imagine was the reason for the "quarterly drills" that in all honesty freaked some people out. I will admit, that floating without power in the middle of the ocean is a little stressful, but I figured if anything happened, I was sitting on a floatation device. And no, I don't mean my butt.

Fire station on the ferry.

Empty car deck on the Walla Walla.

It was another short drive to my hotel in Silverdale and I pulled into town just as the weather started to turn and by turn, I mean really turn. It poured solid for the next 24 hours but I didn't really care since the bouts were all indoors and it was less than a mile from the hotel to the venue. Friday was a bit low key, there were a few bouts...all very good bouts and an unofficial party at "the cow" a local bar but I didn't go given that Saturday was going to be full of derby action and the famed "pants off dance off" after the bouts are over Saturday night. The major highlight of the weekend was getting the chance to meet two of my favorite derby players and local heroes...Anya Heels and Re-AnimateHer both skate for the Rat City Rollergirls. It was really great getting to have an actual conversation with Anya because she wasn't playing due to an injury. Which it so happens has her out the rest of the season, which makes me very sad. I love to watch her play, she is amazing.

Saturday's bouts went very well, although Rat City didn't seem to have the finer points of teamwork going in their favor and lost two bouts that day. I had a great time watching some of the challenge bouts from teams called Sharkasaurus, Vagine Regime, The Situation and many others that I can't really talk about because the names are rated XXX.

Sharkasaurus getting their gear checked.

My friend Pandora Blox...she's in the middle with the funky socks.

In any event, the challenge bouts were really fun to watch and it was amazing seeing people from all over the nation come together and skate like they were regular team mates. It also gave me a chance to see some of my facebook friends in action which was great. After the bouts ended everyone headed to the Cow for the official after party, which was a bit of a cultural shock. Derby girls practice hard, play harder but it would seem that they party hardest. Seriously. I felt out of place there because I didn't know anyone but a girl dressed in green asked if she and her friends could sit at my table and of course I said yes. She was the only one who spoke to me that night, even though several members of Rat City were there...I left them alone. I danced with a guy I didn't know and had a great time watching the local male rugby team do a stage dance to Ring of Fire.

The rugby players singing Ring of Fire.

This is how rugby players party it would appear.

I didn't know it at the time, but that girl dressed in green is now a good friend of mine and I very much enjoyed getting to cheer for her on Sunday while she was playing with her team The Dockyard Derby Dames. Viva la Rabbit Kix.

Aaaannnnddd here's Rabbit Kix.

Sunday was sad as the weekend was flying by and I knew it was coming to an end. But there was still good derby to watch and I was going to be able to hang with my pal Pandora, who I have been friends with on facebook but only this weekend got to meet face to face. For the last official bout of the weekend, Rat City finally pulled themselves together as a team and played much better than on Saturday, and they closed out the festivities with a win over Philly.

Re-AnimateHer.

Rat City All Stars getting gear checks.

Carmen Getsome getting ready for the jam whistle.

After all the kids left and the families headed home...came the drunken derby games. It was perhaps the most funniest event ever...watching people half dressed roll around the rink, break the rules and come up with their own rules at the same time. Lots of swearing, lots of beer and a ton of crude talking which was hilarious. Great way to end the weekend. I managed to leave in time to catch one of the last ferries back to Seattle that night and enjoyed the ferry ride back that was as empty as the ride over. I was able to recall my absolute highlight of the weekend, were Anya Heels said hi to me by my name and I hadn't even seen her. I remember thinking, oh my gosh she said my name, she remembered my name and said hi to me when she didn't have to. It's awesome to have a hero know who you are...and even cooler when they recognize you and call you by your name.

So when I think back on the events of that weekend, I will recall how nice some people were to me, how rude some other people were, all the new friends I made, some I decided to leave behind but overall it was an amazing experience. I got to meet people from Denver, Philly, Arizona, California and Oregon. I was able to meet face to face people that I am friends with on facebook, and in turn now have friends on facebook that I met at WWS. It was good getting to see teams play that I normally never would and fun getting to further my knowledge of the sport so I can become an NSO (non skating official) until such time I can actually play derby. I very much look forward to attending this event next year and being able to continue learning the ins and outs of the sport. I've met a lot of really great people...supportive people willing to get to know me and teach me. I've also been able to let go of the relationships that at one time were positive but no longer are and take it in stride. I have really good friends...and some of them, I still have yet to meet face to face. But they are super supportive nonetheless. And new people keep coming into my life because of this sport, to which I am very grateful.

Thank you to Rabbit, Pandora, Red, Cavina, Grace, Susan, Scott, Spears, LeAnn, Joe, Anya, Carmen and Re-AnimateHer. I love you all...and not in the creepy way.

My best birthday gift...

For those that don't know, during my final year of grad school I did an internship at a local middle school where I got to know the students very well, both in and out of class since I coached Volleyball. Possibly my most favorite birthday ever was that year...I walked into the cafeteria during lunch and the 8th graders sang Happy Birthday to me. It was awesome. Then at the end of the day at the start of Volleyball practice all the girls sang Happy Birthday to me again. I almost cried. Those kids were amazing and I still have contact with some of them now and they reach me occasionally over facebook or email when they have questions or concerns that they don't feel safe enough to talk about with their teachers, counselors or family. My kiddos are now Seniors and Juniors in high school. I have watched them grow from awkward little kids to young adults and they never cease to amaze me. I got an email from one of my kiddos for my birthday and I wanted to share it...

"Hey girl, just wanted to wish you a VERY special birthday tomorrow! I hope your day is as amazing as you are!! You deserve the absolute best this year and always. My biggest role models and idols in life are those people that go after their dreams 110% of the way, and those who live and breath every second of it. They are hilarious, kind, caring, and loving. And if I were to go down that list and check off the qualities that you have...that list would be all filled out.

When I see your status's and videos you post about living the derby life, it inspires me to go after my dreams with the same amount of gusto that you bring. Thanks for being such a light in my life...even if you didn't know that before! :) So here's to you! Tomorrow is your day....live it...dream it...become it!
I'm so proud of you and hope to see you again someday before i move!!! deal?? :)
Love ya girl, have fun!"

The first time I have been driven to tears by one of my kiddos aside from the time I said goodbye to them and they all yelled that they loved me during an assembly. Sometimes I get so wrapped up in my chaos or self pity that I forget that there have been times that I did make a difference in someones life. It is true that people watch us without our knowing...learning from us, for better or worse. I love them dearly, even the ones that don't talk much to me anymore. That experience I will never forget and I don't think any experience will ever rival that year. I felt so loved and appreciated. They have no idea all they taught me. Yesterday was my birthday, it was good. Lots of people made comments or gave me cards...but honestly, the above email was the best part. I love you...and you know who you are.