Night at the ER

Went to check on mom the other night, she was on the phone with her best friend from Olympia, Jean and I overheard small bits of the conversation which became rather serious to the point I had to stand and listen. Turns out mom was having some jaw/ear pain that was radiating around the area and to her neck. Jean said I needed to take mom to the ER, of course mom wasn't having it. So between the hounding of Jean and my insistence, finally got mom to call the consulting nurse and after a ton of questions the nurse said we did indeed need to go to the ER because mom was possibly having a heart attack or stroke. I checked mom for the stroke symptoms, which she passed with no difficulties. I gave her some aspirin, not because I know what it does, but because it's on all the heart attack commercials. Got mom dressed and ready to go, said goodbye to Roxy and forced mom into the car.

On the way to the ER mom kept saying that she was fine and this was a waste of time and she didn't want to spend hours in the ER for nothing. I told her that spending hours in the ER to find out there was nothing wrong with her was better then her having a heart attack in the middle of the night. She made a comment that having a heart attack and dying would be fine with her because there really wasn't much to live for. I burst out in tears at the thought that mom thinks her life is that bad or that she would rather die then live and spend time with me and Roxy. Mom asked if I was mad at her for saying it, and I told her that I wasn't mad at her...I was sad. The rest of the ride to the ER was quiet.

Got her all checked in, they put her in one of the back rooms, ordered chest x-rays, blood tests and had her blood pressure, O2 stats and heart rate monitored. She was still complaining that there was no reason for her to be there and while we waited for the results of the tests, I started crying again. Begging mom to please eat better, start to exercise and take more care of her blood sugars. I told her that I couldn't stand the thought of her not being in my life and if something were to happen to her I would lose my mind. She kept telling me that she was going to be okay and that there was nothing wrong with her. I remember thinking that this was a wake up call for us both but I was the only one hearing the call. Here she was strapped to monitors and needles in her arms...I was so frustrated that she wasn't taking this more seriously yet all I could do was stroke and kiss her hand. I love the way my moms hands feel, how smooth they are and how comforting they smell.
The doctor gave her some Nitroglycerin and despite the burning she felt while it dissolved under her tongue, it did seem to ease the pain in her jaw and she did report feeling better. About 4 hours after this adventure started they did another blood draw and the results came back good and her blood pressure was normal so they decided she could go home...mostly because she refused to stay the night even though they wanted her to be observed overnight. The drive home was peaceful but I still had tears in my eyes from her earlier comment that so easily flowed from her mouth but cut me so deep inside. I know that death is a part of the natural order but it doesn't mean I have to be okay with it. And I know that when my mom...my best friend dies...that I will totally lose my mind. I don't know if I will survive losing her but I know that I cherish every single day that I have with her and I always have. Health scares aside, reminders to take care of our loved ones are an important call to answer.

I love you mom.