Endless Chatter...

It's been two months now since I had my sinus surgery...I have yet to feel even close to what I had hoped would be normal. My right eye still makes squishy sounds and feels like it is going to be sucked into my head. The area behind my eyes burn like my "face plate" has been taken off, giant globs of icyhot have been shoved into the spaces and then my "face plate" put back on. On a good day, it only feels like someone took a bat to my face and shattered all my bones. Sigh. About a month ago I started really feeling sick, coughing and having a hard time just breathing. Finally managed to convince the surgeon that there was actually something wrong with me. He took a culture and turns out I have Strep Pneumonia. So for the last month I've been dealing with that and lingering affects of the surgery. The surgeon seems to think I picked up the germies at work...which doesn't surprise me given I work in a freaking petri dish. Homeless clients who are really sick, poorly cared for offices/bldg, and all the dirty hands and sputum make for a very disgusting enviornmnet for one to work in. (It puts working in middle schools to shame.) Right now the post nasal drip is killing my throat and making my ears hurt. I feel like the antibiotic just barely takes the edge off and the infection is still running rampant in my body. This ordeal has so far cost over $2,500. So now I start getting some special equipment delivered to provide a nasal antibiotic that I have mix and use twice a day. In case you have ever wondered what it looks like to have an antibiotic resiestant superbug...take a look at me. On the plus side, he tested me for MRSA and that came back negative. Whew.

I have missed the last two Jet City scrimmages, which sadens me greatly. I look forward to getting my NSO on and hanging out with the derby athletes. Regardless of sickness status, I am going to the third annual Wild West Showdown in Bremerton. Three days of derby...can't be missed. I'm not NSOing any bouts in that tournement because I want to just be a fan...AND I get to cheer on the Jet City Bombers...tick, tick, boom. My girlfriend will be joining me this year and it marks the first official getaway for us. The thought makes me happy, nervous, excited and anxious all at the same time. Totally booked us a king sized bed, which I have never been on...I have a feeling I could get addicted to the space. As for the derby aspect I am bummed that some of my favorite teams won't be there...Oly, Denver and Portland. But some new faces will be present and I'm hoping to see some good game play.

I've missed so much work over the last two months that I don't feel like I fit in anymore. So many changes, cut backs...I just don't feel in the groove anymore. I know it will change once I am back and get my routine established again. But I honestly worry that I may never get a routine again. There just doesn't seem to be a light at the end of this tunnel...filled with mucus, congestion and sinus pain. Wow, what a wonderful picture I paint. Speaking of paint...I need to get my easel fixed so I can start painting again. I miss it. The feeling of just me, the canvas, paint and brush. I turn on my headphones...stare at the canvas and then the world just kind of disappears. It's nice. Not always relaxing but comforting. It's almost the same feeling I get when I'm doing yard work or mowing the lawn. Just me, the earth and my thoughts. For good or bad. There is just something soothing about zoning out the rest of the world. In fact, it's addicting. I almost get in that mind frame when I NSO...everything but what I'm doing, what is going on right in front of me just goes away. There's no crowd, no music, no external forces trying to bid for my attention. My mind focuses on my task and my task I do well.

I often wonder if the girls feels something like this when they are bouting...like the world just goes away? I've been meaning to ask them but I like to leave them alone on bout days and let them do whatever it is they need to mentally and physically prepare.

Well, this has been a most rambling of entries. I didn't have anything in mind when I sat down to write, just knew that it was time to get something said. No earth shaking "ah ha" moments tonight, just some thoughts that come and go with no restraint. I know I promise to write more, to be more consistant and then I don't follow through. I guess I feel like it doesn't really matter because no one reads my endless chatter about nothing. It's too bad though, sometimes I think if I can just get my thoughts out to an audience maybe something I have to say will touch a soul or change a life. But I'm not sure I'm destined for such greatness. No angel am I.