You're kidding me right?...seriously?

My girlfriend asked that I come to her OWRD bout last night to support herand to show support for my other friends who would be bouting. I was extremelynervous about going since it would be the first time I had been around theleague and Hot Flash since the "forced resignation" and supposedapology. While I love my girlfriend, my other friends and derby...the idea ofrunning into Hot Flash made me sick. But as the dutiful girlfriend and friendto others, I went. Not as a photographer or league member (which was reallyhard and odd for me) but as a fan. I didn't get a prime seat, I didn't get inearly, I didn't get access to the "locker room"...the only perkI had was getting in for free as Lisa's plus one comp-ticket. I was by allaccounts just another fan watching a derby bout. I so loved getting to see myfriends, watching them skate and seeing the progress and growth they haveexperienced since last I saw them. So much happiness comes from derby...anddrama. It can save your soul one minute and then rollover you in the next.

The dreaded run in with Hot Flash came sooner rather than later, Ihad practiced what I would say but I was caught off guard by her approachthat I just looked down and ignored her. I was shocked. Did she really justskate by me and say "sorry" so casually as if her offense meantso little?! You're kidding me right? How dare she just do a skate by sorry onme...I cannot believe that. And as I type this, I'm still kinda in shock aboutit. What a slap in the face. My lack of response and eye contact to her"sorry" didn't go over so well and she skated off mad. We ran intoeach other after the bout, we walked by each other like we werestrangers...probably appropriate since I don't know who this Hot Flash is. Myfriend, Hot Flash...well, I haven't seen her in a long time. She just sort ofwent away and in her place is a Hot Flash that I don't want to know. I miss myfriend and wish that things could be different.

When I talked with Lisa afterwards, she asked me why I expected anything fromHot Flash? I didn't realize that I had any expectations...I just assumed thatthere would be a certain level of respect, an amount of common courtesy to atthe very least not try to get me to accept a "drive by sorry." Butshe was right, I guess I did have expectations, that's something I will need toaddress with myself. If you don't have expectations of someone, you can't behurt or disappointed. Lesson learned.

My good friends Jeni and Sheri proposed to the OWRD's Bellevue Brawlers thattheir team song be Thunderstruck...in honor of me since my name is Diz RuptiveThunder and way back in the day (a year ago) the Skate King had it playing whenwe would come in for practice for me. (Thanks Melissa) The entire team voted onit and they decided that it was a go...so I was excited to hear it when theywere announced at the bout last night. But I never heard it. Turns out that HotFlash overruled them on the song and wouldn't allow it. (or so I hear) Which I suppose she hasevery right to do because after all OneWorld Roller Derby is HER league, andwhat she says goes.

During the bout there was a lot of dirty play happening and I posted onfacebook how upset I was that dirty players and dirty play was being rewardedand even encouraged. I wasn't trashing the league, I was simply making acommentary on the play that I was watching...as JUST a fan I can do that. Had Ibeen a member of the league or a photographer...the standard would be differentfor me. At least that was what I thought...turns out I made a lot of people upsetby my statements...that my commentary somehow came off as me trashing theleague. I never meant my comments to be received that waybut understand why others feel differently. I care very much for OWRD and nevermeant for my statements to come off as trashing the league. I invested a yearof my life into the league...I have friends that skate for that league...I wantit to succeed. And yes, my words did not reflect that and I am sorry. I need toalways be mindful and let my thoughts chill for a bit before I write somethingin the heat of the moment. Lesson still to be totally learned.