How do we decide who we let into our life?
How do we decide if someone or something is worth the risk...worth investing in?
How do we decide if we should put in the work for something or someone that is not a guarantee?
Where’s the tipping point, and how do we place value on something that isn’t designed to last forever...because, life will end. Our time will run out and we have no control over when it stops, just as we didn’t have a say over when it started. I’m fully aware of the critique given to those who choose to end their own lives, the stigma and viewpoints…The thing is, life and death are more the same than we would give credit for. Both are, for the most part unplanned, emotional and the staging point of a moment that brings transition. Death gets a bad rap, and if you question that opinion, just look at what comes to mind when you think about birth and death. Birth is bright and celebratory newborn with diapers...death is dark marked by the grim reaper. But what if it didn’t have to be like this? Would you be willing to set aside your own beliefs and selfish desires to allow someone you love, the chance to exercise some level of control over a life that has been less than kind…
It seems tragic to think that any of us would put ourselves and our own happiness over that of another especially if the other person would live in pain either physical or emotional, poverty, or alone. Why should someone else have to suffer in any way shape or form because you want them to live? The truest measure of compassion and empathy is to put aside your own feelings and happiness to ensure the happiness of another. It’s not to say that it is an easy idea, or a feel good concept but what if you were forced to live or die regardless of your stance or beliefs? The simple fact that we pass judgement on someone based on our own feelings and sense of morality, is in fact, a misguided attempt at control. The very same control you are trying to deny another.
Yes, I understand the moral code of valuing life, but let’s be honest...most of us apply said value when it suits us...how very judgemental. People act as though wanting to die is a selfish act, an irrational and emotionally immature gesture...but I would propose that the opposite is true. It takes great courage and insight to be that self-aware. I’m not saying that anyone should make a determination on living or dying in the heat of the moment, but there are times when we are well within our right mind that we can weigh the benefits and deficits of continuing to exist in this life. After all, who better to make such a serious and important decision than the person living that life...
One of my most favorite quotes comes from the most amazing television show on the planet, Wynonna Earp. In season 3, episode 8 where ‘Kate and Wynonna are about to use Peacemaker to send a demon to hell, but instead of just shooting the demon, the demon falls to her knees and then grabs the barrel of the pistol, bringing it to the skin of her forehead, indicating to please shoot her there.’ Kate says to Wynonna, “It’s no small thing, getting to choose one’s own end.” That quote punched me in the gut the first time I heard it. I remember fumbling for the tv remote because I was sure I must have misheard the statement. But I didn’t, I rewound several times, and sure enough...I heard it correctly.
I fully realize there is a lot to unpack in the previous paragraphs, so let me bring it back to the question at hand. How do you decide who gets the investment of your energy, time, love and friendship...how do you decide if someone is worthy? If we start going into relationships with some sort of ill conceived notion that we get to set the duration of the relationship, how many of us would be okay having that standard placed upon us...the answer, zero. Life isn’t supposed to be solely based on how long we are here, it’s supposed to be about what we do while we’re here. Some of my best friends, and closest relationships have come and gone, some flicker like the burning embers of fire and some burn hot, and bright but just as quickly disappear. Placing a restriction or some sort of qualifier on people coming and going from our lives is futile if you really think about it. We are not promised a damn thing in this life. Trying to exert that level of control is like trying to smell the color 9...it’s crazy making.
If we really want to invest in someone or something, shouldn’t we do it regardless of what the outcome could possibly be? After all, plans change. Circumstances can be altered. Viewpoints can gain perspective. Sure the outcome is highly suggested, but do you give up on the here and now just to avoid the “potential?” I’m not trying to force anyone to change their beliefs about the value of life, or dictate the design of relationships...I’m just flipping the quarter so that if you can, if you are able...see the other side. I’m not making a judgement call on which side is the best because one does not come without the other. But if it makes you feel better...flip the coin.
Best of three wins.
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