Purell in the Eye...

Sometimes I have the most unfortunate things happen to me...random and weird. Today while getting some Purell out of one of our giant containers of it, I pushed down on the top and it spurted out in like 8 different directions, hitting my coworker who was walking by...my shirt, the wall, my hair and my directly into my eye. It stung so bad I was screaming down the hallway to the nurses station. Unfortunately, we didn't have any eye wash, so I used water but even when the stinging stopped...even now the pain remains. It feels like I got punched in the eye. Who would have thought alcohol based cleaner would hurt so much? Clearly not I. Though I must admit I never put much thought into it. I'm hoping no major damage was done and that my eye will feel better tomorrow. If not, I have to start a stupid L&I thing for the stupidest of reasons. Purell. I tell you, I just can't win even when I'm losing.

I'm pretty frustrated at work right now, everyone is stressed out with all the admits, the clients decompensating, verbal fights among staff and people taking pot shots and being passive aggressive with each other instead of just being adults and dealing with feelings straight away. In stead, people back stab...staff split and harbor resentment because of the work they do for other clinicians. But never do they complain when I do things for their clients. Double standards annoy me to no end. Especially when those standards hold me higher than others I work with. My reward for good work is more work and more responsibility yet, some coworkers maintain that I don't do anything at work. One coworker verbally attacked me in a meeting today...of course there wasn't anyone of authority there to witness it, but I am so very tired of having my work ethic questioned when I've been in this job for 3 years and seen over 20 different staff come and go, while I stayed and stuck it out. Why is it that people can't just be nice and have common respect for each other. You don't have to like me, but you do owe me professional respect so we can best serve our clients and help them. And if you have a problem with me, come to me...don't gossip. This isn't middle school...we are all adults. Act like one.

It's not that hard. Days like this leave me feeling very bitter about life, about my role in this world...that no matter what I do, I can't win. I'm tired of being challenged at every corner over one thing or another...I know how to do my job...and I do it very well whether or not a coworker feels that I am. But keep the attitude to yourself and freaking grow up. We are supposed to be in this together for the sake of helping clients succeed...not to pour lighter fluid on each other and light a match just for the sake of wanting something to do. We are all on the same team...or so we should be. Maybe I have unrealistic expectations...it wouldn't surprise me. What is right and what is done, are two separate things that somehow can't seem to meet in the middle. I don't know why, but the losers win and winners lose in my field...it just doesn't pay to be a good, ethical and moral person where I am...cheaters win and liars prosper. I think I'm in the wrong field. I think maybe I need a change. I'm tired of sitting at the kiddie table, it's time to sit with the adults...