Frozen moments...

When my grandfather died, I inherited many old photographs and negatives...some from as far back as the early 1900's. The negatives, having not been cared for over the years while in his basement are falling apart, dissolving with every molecule of air that touches them. Others are stuck together or so faded that it seems nearly impossible to visualize what might be there. Mom and I decided it was time to do something about it so she bought a special scanner so that we can restore, copy and save not only the negatives but the slides and photos so they will not be lost. When I think about it, I reminded of the scripture saying, "ashes to ashes and dust to dust." These are moments in time, frozen...with people and places that have long since passed or are hardly hanging on. It is my mission to save as many of these priceless moments as I possibly can...to get them to the people that can pass the pictures and the memories on.

Mom and I talked with my aunt Ora...who is and has been more of a grandmother to me than my grandmother ever was. Aunt Ora has known my soul far longer than I have even been alive. We knew each other in the pre existence, for this I am sure. She knew I was gay before I even knew there was such a thing. She was the first person in my family I came "out" to, only to have her say, "well honey, I knew that. I've always known you were gay." To this I replied, "it would have been nice if you would have told me earlier to save me all this heartache and soul searching." She said it was my journey to experience and I knew she was right. She and I have much in common...and as she is now in her 90's I already mourn the eventual loss of her in my life. She and I are like two pea's in a pod...best friends separated by time and space and she was and is ahead of her time. I hope to find photos of her in the enormous archive of slides, negatives and pictures that lay before me...to share her with the rest of you, to make sure people remember her and speak highly of the first person (except my mother) to embrace me not because I was gay, not despite me being gay...but for who I was...and who I now am. Period.

I love her more than mere words could express and when it is her time to return home, the world will be a lesser place for not having her.

And I believe the same of my mother whose light outshines all the darkness in my world. She worked hard taking care of me as a child, she still cares for me as an adult and my every day is spent trying to repay all the sacrifices she made so that I would be a good person and a loved soul. I can only hope to leave this world a better place then I found it...as for my mother, again, the world will be a lesser place for not having her in it. Death may be our final moment on this earth, but as long as my mother and my father are remembered (and their memories passed on to future generations)...I don't need to be.