Tucking in 2010...

It's been a rough year for me, that comes as no surprise if you've followed my postings since May. I'm glad that this year is over...now just waiting for the Chinese New Year to come and go since the year of the Tiger hasn't been nice to me despite being a Tiger. I realize that there is no difference between 2010 vs. 2011 except the numbers, but I am hopeful that it will actually mark a good change in my life. I'm still not ready to be romantically involved with anyone, I'm still working where I feel I need to be, still enjoying my free time and sleep...but looking forward to trying to spend more time with friends and family. That's a lot for me since I am such a homie kind of person...it would be so easy to turn into a hermit. I am looking forward to enjoying my season tickets to the Rat City Rollergirls derby bouts...first time I have ever had season tickets to anything. I am hopeful that it is everything I envision it to be and more. I am very excited.

On my holiday away from work I wish I could say that I was productive in getting all my lists done, but I wasn't. I think I got maybe 15 percent of it done. But seeing how it was vacation, I guess there really shouldn't be any urgency to it. I had a wonderful time spending Christmas eve with Andra, Robbie, George, Oliver, Jane and my mom. It was great spending time with family and seeing Christmas through the eyes of children who haven't been ruined by the "Santa isn't real" speech. Mom and I got the boys pooping reindeer and sheep for their presents, they were a hit. Potty humor is the best in the world, I love the fact that they spent the entire night going around showing everyone how the poop (jelly beans) comes out the back of their animals. It was awesome when Jane discovered that the jelly beans weren't just toys but candy...it was like a whole new world opened up for her. She is now walking, a little...and getting more cute each time I see her. When we sat down for dinner, someone made a comment about singing the prayer and George busted out in a rap with his arms crossed "pisk, duh, thank you, uh heavenly father, yeah pisk, for our food duh buh buh." It was possibly the hardest I have laughed in months. Had their been something in my mouth at the time, I am sure it would have gone shooting out my nose. I am beginning to feel more at ease with them as time goes on, it's new for me to have family around to spend time with...and as far as I can tell, they accept me and love me for me and I don't feel out of place at their home. Safe. It's nice to be in a home where the Spirit is strong and you feel loved.

Robbie and Andra
Oliver

George

Mom was far too good to me this year for Christmas, and as usual I don't feel like I did enough for her. I got an ipad and have downloaded many psychology applications and history stuff. It's awesome to have references just a click away any time I need or want them. Which reminds me of my patriarchal blessing that in one section makes mention of my soul being held in heaven until this time because of the modern inventions and technological advancements that will connect the world and make life easier for all. Sigh. Talking about my blessing brings up good and bad feelings for me. I feel that I have failed mightily in doing what God wants of me, and struggling with how God made me vs. how the church believes I was made to be. I wish I could go back to the temple, but my kind aren't allowed. I would never pass the bishops questions anyway...gay or straight. Perhaps 2011 will bring me added perspective, understanding and acceptance of who I am...

Mom

So goodnight 2010, your time is done and welcome 2011...may you bring happiness, fulfillment, joy, comfort and love to our lives. I am thankful to have survived this last year and hope and pray this next year is better for and to me and my family. deb out...