I should be used to it by now...

So it was my first day back from my wonderful vacation, had to read through over 200 emails and not one mentioned the wreck of my day. A client I had grown close to, known for a good 2 years now had passed away due to a drug overdose. I remember going through all my psychology and sociology classes, and never once learning about how to deal with a clients death in your life. To this day, not even experience makes it any easier on me. I would have liked to have known when it actually happened, but no one thought of that...which I guess I shouldn't complain about. She was one of the most happy, yet absent minded clients I have ever known...but blissfully happy and unaware for the most part. She struggled with the demons and voices, self medicated because that was all she knew to do. Despite efforts to help her, the drugs proved to be too much of a yearning, and need that in the end, killed her. The last time I saw her she came jumping up and down to me in her pj's telling me how pretty I was and how great it was to see me. She would often tell me of her talks with Jesus and how he loves us all because we are his children. She gave me a quick hug and peck on the cheek and said, "God bless you deb." The manner in which I found out today was crude and abrupt, I was the last to know. I cried all the way home from work. Tears so heavy in my eyes that it made it hard to see where I was going. Not the way I had hoped my first day would look back from vacation, but in this field, no day goes as planned. S, I will not forget you, your smile or the way you skipped down the street as if you had no cares in the world. I'm sorry the demons and voices tortured you and more sorry that we couldn't take them away. You will be missed but I am glad that your burdens in this life are done. And thank you for always reminding me that Jesus loves me and that I am a child of God. (A fact that is often lost on me.) Rest in peace S...until we meet again. With love, deb