Can you stop being a Mormon? Can you stop being a heterosexual?
No, you can't. It is who you are...you are a Mormon and a heterosexual. You were born that way. It is all you know.
Asking me about being able to let go of one or the other...Mormon or being gay...it is all I know. My soul and blood are both gay and Mormon...to give up one would leave me half a person left to continue suffering without the other half of me.
Imagine yourself having to give up being a heterosexual?
Imagine yourself having to give up being a Mormon?
Can you? Would you be happy and content without half of who you are?
Just food for thought...
Nope, never once thought about your first question. I never 'knew' anything, never thought anything about it. Never wanted to be anything but what I am. Never once thought, girlfriend or boyfriend. Never.
ReplyDeleteBut I did consciously choose to be a Mormon. I studied, prayed, and make a choice to follow the doctrines of the church. Because I know it will make for an easier, simpler life.
Once I made that decision, many other things in life are much easier to deal with. Drink coffee? Smoke? Be faithful to my wife? All have very easy simple answers.
I know my life would have been much different if I'd made different choices.
So I'm both lucky, and blessed to be in a great relationship, have wonderful children, and can follow my faith all at the same time.
And I am saddened to see such angst in your life, and wish it could have been easier for you, but have nothing to say or do that can fix your current situation.
So I am truly sorry for your situation, but don't have a clue of how to make anything better.
We are made up of our decisions and the following actions we make. So perhaps you could choose to follow the actions of one side of yourself, or the other. Either ACT like a lesbian, or ACT like a Mormon. Right now it seems you are caught somewhere in the middle and doing neither.
I don't know if it is even possible to do both at the same time. You are in a conflict...
The word Conflict in Chinese is Mau/Dwun - Or Spear/Shield. The story goes something like this. There is a weapons seller in an ancient marketplace, trying to hawk his wares. One day a visitor passes by and hears him speak of a wonderful great spear, this spear can pierce anything. It is a spear that will make you victorious in battle.
Then later, the visitor returns to the marketplace, but this time the weapons dealer is selling the very best shield in the world - nothing can pierce it's strong coverings. It will save your life in battle...
Then the visitor responds and says something like... "What about that spear you talked about last time?"
The seller responds with the words Mau/Dwun - A conflict. Neither one can be right at the same time.
It seems you are personally in a Mau/Dwun - locked between two mutually exclusive scenarios and unable to move forward. Not able to find peace or happiness anywhere.
Sorry, still no idea on how to help you. And I admit I have no skills or understanding of what you must be going through. So feel free to ignore everything I say.
Keith