Two ships...

Today started out innocent enough, but I should have stayed in bed. I have felt the sting of rejection, which for the most I can handle...it's just hard when you don't know why someone does it. Am I defective, is there something I have done to hurt the person, did they finally realize that I am too fat to be around or my insecurities overwhelmed them? No matter the reason it is still hard to experience loss even if you never met the person, or had limited contact. I don't necessarily mourn them, rather I mourn the friendship that could have been if given the chance. When someone promises to be there for you, you want to be able to take them at their word. But no one can really make such promises...situations change, people aren't what you thought they were or any number of alterations can take place. I would hope that the rejection is not due to anything I did to harm them or offend them. I never set out to hurt people, it is true what they say...the road to hell is paved with good intentions.

In any event, I have lost someone I had hoped would be in my life. They blew out just as quickly as they blew in. Like two ships in the night we passed for a brief moment and that was all that was meant to happen. I am lucky to have had the experience and the brief thought of happiness that may have been an added benefit. I wish it would have been different, but it is what it is. I must gather strength and forge on in this new world of derby that has all but taken me over. I have others who support me and care for me, and I guess I needed to be reminded of the blessings and people that are in my life and not focus so much on what I have lost or who is missing. I thank those that took the time out of their busy lives today to remind me of that. I love you guys. And you know who you are. xoxo.