Yesterday's Epiphany...

I have been struggling with my current inability to grasp roller skating...well, struggling is putting it much too lightly. I think about skating pretty much all day, everyday and even at night. I go to bouts and scrimmages to watch the girls skate...not just to watch the sport but to watch how they do their crossovers, toestops and the way they find their center of gravity. For some reason I keep thinking that while I watch them play, a light will go off in my head and suddenly everything that has been eluding me about skating will suddenly make its self aware to me. I read the WFTDA rules and regulations, I NSO, I am working so hard to pick up all the finer points of this, only to have the major point lost to me. Why the hell can't I skate yet, and why is this so frustrating to me? Why is it that I am cocky and determined in most areas of my life but when I strap skates to my feet, suddenly I'm a coward? Urgh.

Driving home from work yesterday, it suddenly hit me. Like it really hit me...in fact, I would swear that I heard a chorus of angels singing and the sky opening up revealing the suns glorious rays. Okay, I'm being a bit dramatic but for the most part it really did feel like this. I get the most compliments about myself when I am being cocky, I don't know why that is, but for whatever reason, people find me way more appealing and attractive when I'm cocky. It was so simple it was genius...I am cocky and determined and confident when it comes to things that I have a full understanding of, things that I am very good at, things that I have for lack of better words...mastered.

These are some things I am cocky about...

• My clinical background and expertise


• My photography


• My writing


• My dancing


• My sense of humor


• My loyalty to loved ones


• My ability to be a great friend


• My kissing


• My ability to please a woman


• My ability to piss off a man


• My driving


• My quick learning of roller derby rules and game play


• My ability to flirt a woman off of her feet

These are all things that I do very well, and am very proficient in. Some I had to work my ass off for, but most came natural to me. So where exactly is the epiphany part of my commentary...well, if I could just get skating to be something I can be cocky about...then maybe it won't be so hard for me to do. Or vise versa...if I could get good at skating then I could be cocky? I need a certain level of cockiness to succeed in anything...I think it's what all the rest of you guys call "believing in myself" I just happen to call it by a different name. While I realize that this may not seem all that important to you, it was a major block being removed from my thinking. I understand that it is good in theory and I have yet to figure out how to implement this epiphany...it is a start...and that's what I needed. A start.