*Open response letter to Chyler’s #WearYourPride statement on CreateChange.me*
Life is so rarely what we want it to be...there are endless plot twists, journeys that don’t end in just one episode and villains that don’t ‘suddenly get a change of heart.’ The storyline is often fraught with danger, littered with inequalities and lacking social justice just to name a few. Many are locked behind the ‘8 ball’ well before they enter this world in the physical form. It’s true there is no manual on how to live this life and we learn as we go, finding what we do and don’t like and somewhere along the way, the lucky ones find their ‘families or tribes.’ Learning to accept yourself, finding peace and acceptance is an arduous and messy journey that can at times feel never ending and damn lonely. In fact, I’m still trying to just find a way to break even, and feel like I can be loved, but this isn’t about me...it’s about the glorious woman you are, that God/Universe has made you to be and the evolution of your design. Of course I can only speak to the ‘you’ that is readily available to the general public as I am not privy to the life you lead day in and day out. Rightfully so mind you, none of us in this world are owed anything by you, your husband or your family.
With that being said, I read your statement about an hour after it was posted and silently watched as the world according to social media metaphorically blew up. It didn’t seem to matter much what platform I was observing, each had supporters and detractors, each seemed bogged down in confusion and the immediate need to label and squeeze you into a box and each had arguments for and against making said statements. This is truly one of those times where I reserve the right to state, “opinions are like assholes, everybodies got one.” So here I was just sitting back and seeing sides being taken, more battle lines being drawn in the sand and verbal grenades being tossed by each side...all in the name of “what’s right.” I remember the exact moment that I closed my laptop, took a deep breath and started crying.
While I do not know your exact thoughts and feelings, and I do not even have a glimpse into what you and your family experience has and continues to be like, part of me shares a similar pain. As a born and raised Mormon, anyone other than straight is shamed, deemed less and for the most part, cast aside. I sat each week in church and learned to hate everything that I am, or could be even before I knew the language to express myself. I was always the ‘tomboy’ who would eventually outgrow it, get married and have lots of kids. When I finally gave in to who I was...I lost my housing, my support system, my friends, my church, and members of my family. For many years my lone source of support was my mother, who unlike many others, including myself...accepted me as is, not despite who I am but because of who I am. She tells me that “God is bigger than all of us and knows more than we give Him credit for.” She believes that in the end, God will make it right. She understands the teachings of the church and the guilt and shame I awake with every day and to some degree has an understanding for the fact that I am trying to be two things, with opposite views at the same time. A war that I would not wish on anyone...but have come to learn so many others share.
Which brings me back around to your statement, my response and ultimately my enduring gratitude. While others are solely focused on labeling you, or taking sides I simply want to thank you for living your life. I want to thank you and Nathan for breathing life into Create Change and allowing the rest of the world to share in that journey for better or worse. I want to thank you for your acting career as I have only recently discovered your character of Alex Danvers, a character that you play with great conviction, honesty and integrity. It was only about a month ago that I got to the ‘coming out episode’ and I will admit I had to watch that scene several times...it pulled at my heart to the point I thought it may literally fall to the floor in front of me. I remember the terrifying feeling inside me when I finally realized and verbalized my new existence. I don’t know any higher praise to give an actor outside of saying that you moved me to tears Chyler.
I also want to thank you and Nathan for bringing forth Create Change, one of the most amazing communities I have ever had the pleasure of belonging to. Thank you for your heart, your mind, your vision, your strength and compassion...thank you for loving us. Regardless of the pain you have been through or where anyone is along this path, both you and Nathan offer acceptance, love and understanding. You not only preach the message, you show the message through action and actually live it. Time is the most precious gift we can give someone because it will never be regained, we just don’t get more no matter how hard we try. So the fact that you devote so much time to others, says more than a million pictures could ever do. It’s not about money, fame or reputation...it’s about heart, love and loyalty. It’s easy to throw money at a cause, stick a hashtag in front of some wise and witty words...but to really invest your time, that is God’s and the Universe’s work. There is no higher calling.
I’ll end my rambling response with this, I know you said that you and Nathan found yourselves on a “long and lonely road” after your character came out...I’m here to tell you that sometimes things happen for a reason. Sometimes out of the burning fire that is our lives finally settles down, we rise from the ashes fortified and stronger, with purpose and clarity. Part of our worth is not found in the amount of times we are knocked down, but in how many times we rise from the floor, dust ourselves off and move forward. We are stronger together, stronger for the wounds we take and the scars that fade into our memories. Yeah, there is a lot about this life that frankly, sucks soggy crackers...but I have to believe it is for a reason, a purpose. This belief in cause and effect is the only way I can make sense of this world, especially at this point in time. Just think if you had not taken the role of Alex Danvers...how much of your current life would be drastically different.
Afterall, had you not experienced her coming out, perhaps it would have been a hollow acting experience for you...the cast/crew, your family and ultimately those of us in the Create Change community or maybe you never would have shared your truth and issued the rally cry to #WearYourPride…
I don’t think you or Nathan will ever understand just how vital you are to the world we live in and please know that you were never alone.
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