LET ME OUT!!!

November 24th my knee buckled and I haven't been able to walk like a "normie" since. My knee hurts all the time, sending pain shooting down my shin and calf and generally aching all the way around. As much as I have come to enjoy (sarcasm) the grinding and feeling as though my joint is free of its attachments and could bust apart at any moment, and oh by the way I really wish I could walk upright without the use of crutches or a cane...but in order for all that to go away...I have to do another thing I enjoy (sarcasm)...the damn MRI.

I hate them. The hard plastic...cold and strange. The uncomfortable position that no matter how you arrange yourself or how seemingly comfortable it starts off being, half way through the process you would rather chew your way out of the machine than lay there one minute more. Then there's the sound, the unmistakable sound...the whirring of the machine as it warms up, the thumping as it starts and then the countless thuds, bangs and whacks as the this giant machine takes it slice by slice pictures of my anatomy. It's so loud you can't hear yourself think, and even when you do...your thoughts play tricks on you.

You try to think how long its been that you've been laying there, how long each segment will last until you hear the techs voice come over the speaker to tell you how many more segments there will be until you are done. There's no clock in the room so the passage of time is impossible to track unless you listen to music and try and keep up with how many songs go by and how many minutes each song on average generally lasts. But even then, it just makes you more antsy to have it done quicker. You want your body to hold still but it wants so badly to move to the point that your body and mind start to scream.

LET ME OUT!!!

Your mind keeps playing tricks...you wonder what would happen if there was an earthquake, would you be saved or crushed? How would you get out? Would they leave you? What about a fire? How would you escape? Your mind and body keep screaming...

LET ME OUT!!!

Just when you think you can't take any more...and you are about to scream out...it's over. But it's so horrible when you are in it. I hate it so. But I need to know what is going on with my knee. Still, right now, I can already feel my insides screaming...

LET ME OUT!!!